핑크 소원。

I’ve joked about asking you this, but right now I honestly want to really ask you this.

Please…

the tears wont stop coming…even at work…even though i haven’t slept all night…they just keep coming and coming…i cant make them stop… ive never experienced this before. i dont know what to do.

First you take my mom away. Second you put my sisters and I through hell. Now you take away the one thing that I’ve wanted the most this past year.

You know…the only thing that I’ve ever remembered from people preaching to me was that in the Bible, there’s a phrase that states something along the lines of “God only puts you through trials that he knows you can make it through”.

You’ve already put me through a lot. This one time, can you please let me have what I want? I’ve spent most of my entire life being a push over, giving people what they want to them even if I didn’t want to give it. I’ve spent my life making sure everyone around me but me was happy.This time I really want this. Just this once. I really want this one thing. Can I have it? Can you please let me have this one thing for everything that I’ve ever freely given in my life till this point. For all the happiness that I have given others.

I’ve been a good person haven’t I? I’ve been kind, and giving right?

Please, this time please don’t take away my heart too. Please just let me have my heart.

b/c its my fault. my own fault that i couldnt reach for what i wanted. b/c i always wanted to make others happy. i never went for what i wanted. its my own fault. from now on i’ll only care about myself. i dont care about other people or their feelings anymore ever. just me. 

just leave me the fuck alone.

i’m done. lets start new this time kounyia. 

I wonder why you’re avoiding talking to me. 

crap mood now